Thursday, December 19, 2013


I just spent the last 2 years of my life trying to convince a man that I was good enough.

Pretty enough.

Motherly enough.

Smart enough.

Funny enough.

Domestic enough.

Skinny enough.

Spiritual enough.

and worthy of unconditional love.

It's now been 2 and a half months since that man decided he no longer wanted to be apart of my life. For a good portion of those months, I believed it all happened because maybe I wasn't actually good enough. Or perhaps I just fell short of convincing him that I was.

That's where I had it all wrong.

It wasn't he who needed to be convinced, it was me.

How am I just now figuring this out??

I wish I was writing this to tell you that I have finally been able to convince myself of my own worth, and how you can too, but after years of it being overlooked, it's going to take some time to come back into view. It's coming though. I can feel it.

For now, I'm just going to revel in the fact that I at least realized the mistake I was making, and plead with the rest of you to avoid making it a mistake of your own (or if you're already making this mistake, maybe this will help you to recognize it so that you can get back onto the path of self-acceptance and self-love that I am starting on).

No matter how much time, effort, energy or money, you put into love, and no matter how many sacrifices and changes you make for someone, it will never be good enough so long as you don't KNOW you're good enough.

I know this because even if there was a time in my relationship that this man thought I was good enough, I refused to believe it. In fact, I was incapable of believing it.

Your worth doe not hinge on anyone but yourself. You should be able to exist without ever hearing someone say "You're amazing!", and still believe those words in your own head. You have to believe it! But as long as you don't, there will be a void in your life that no relationship (no matter how amazing) can fill. Until you can fill that void on your own (and with God's help of course), it will slowly taint every relationship you possess.

I'm not claiming that this was the sole explanation for my recent breakup, because there was a lot more going on than that, but I do know it played a role. Had I loved myself before seeking love from him, would things have worked out? I couldn't say. Probably not. However, I do believe that it would have left me in a much better spot when the relationship came to an end. Not that getting dumped should be a tea party, but I just think that some of the worthlessness and hopelessness that I let myself feel was unnecessary. I mean yeah, It's painful to get your heart broken, and yeah, you're probably going to cry...a lot (especially if you're anything like me). But as soon as you know, without a doubt, deep within yourself, that you're worth an awful lot, you will find that you have every reason to be happy and to carry on even in the entanglement of a breakup. exactly do we go about this whole realizing you're worth thing?, I do not know. But as soon as I figure it out, you can bet that I'll blog about it :)




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